is this rock bottom?

I once volunteered overseas and went through training about the cycle of living abroad. They said it takes two years to adjust to your current living situation. The first 6 months usually is called the Honeymoon phase. Then it pretty much goes downhill afterwards until you hit rock bottom and question your sanity. Either volunteers quit or stay through it. It could still be in the dumps or it could finally start looking good and worth the months of hell. Those who stuck through it never regret the last few months and actually is the best phase than the Honeymoon phase. Then they don't even want it to end. 

​For Mer, everything is falling apart in slow motion. 

First, it was the leak in the toilet that would not stop. The leak cause flooding as well as damages to the floor. 

Then, my stupid move going up a curvy steep hill that scraped the bottom of my black water hatch, which leaks "soup" every time I drain it.

poor quality photo, but look at the bottom left corner, it was scraped off

Next, the propane. That expensive propane keeps running out because we are constantly in places that's so cold at nights (20's-30's) and rely on the furnace. Getting the propane filled is not cheap nor easy, it's a hassle.

constantly low due to the cold

Then, the tow dolly's connector to Mer fell off due to bumpy roads in Indiana and pretty much sent the teeth part into smithereens.

oh lord.

And finally, a new discovery, the damn crack in the window, which is probably going to be hard to replace due to abnormal size.

newest discovery, a crack in the window

Then there's me. I'm completely unhinged from moments in my journey.

​It's like, the fragility of it [me] cracked and now it is in the state of vulnerability. The only way to fix it is to replace it. It will be costly, but at the end, a new type of fragility is in place. I just need to know which company [which path] I should choose as a replacement.

Sorta like, mer is me and I am her. We're breaking down into pieces, needing repairs and I know that whatever decisions I make, it'll be costly, no matter what path I choose. I just need to remind myself that it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to change and it's okay to be selfish in order to be selfless. 

"becoming" pc: aidan k

So, this is where my training from overseas kick in, I'll stick through this mess of becoming me, all of me, and then I will shine.