So, this is what it feels like. I wondered what it would feel like when Meraki rolled into her final stop. The feelings?
Imagine a large area with fresh cement poured over, wet and brand new. Now, here I am, standing in the very middle of it. I can feel the weigh of the wet cement. I am torn between just staying put so I don’t mess up the area or just wading around until I figure it out. However, my very physical state will be content with curling up into the cement and hibernate, putting the “hide under the rock” into literal use. I don’t know what I want to do next. I do know that I have some commitments I need to finish before making any big decisions. Right now, seeing Mer sitting on the road in front of our house, it’s a sad sight. She no longer will carry us with a fulltime status, but more of collect dust. I have no idea when I will use her again. Right now, I need to find a good storage space to put her away. She’s way too big to be put away. She and I don’t feel finished. The last leg of finding meraki was perfect. It was exactly how I envisioned. I was mostly alone, with my oldest son who tagged along. I was able to go where I wanted to go, to cook what I wanted to cook, to do things my own way and lucky me, my oldest son was on the same page. There were no battles as a mother, there was no frustration or exhaustion in a mental state. It was perfection on every level. We saw so many places, more than we did in months and we experienced the beauty of randomness. Finally. And now, here I am, back at home. With commitments I have to stick to because of my life decisions I made prior to knowing who and what I am. People asked me, “why did you have to stop?” I had to stop because this lifestyle, the free falling and swimming in experience? I am the only one who wants it. So, I stand still in the middle of the wet cement as I try not to allow my feelings run amok. It’s a good thing that feelings are intangible therefore, that neat area of the cement? Intact. Otherwise, there would be a total random of a mountainous mess.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
authorjust a mother who fled from society's constraints and is super excited to wake up to the outdoors, remain braless daily and teach her boys the art of boredom and discovery. Archives
September 2018
Categories |