Now that I am truly home (just got back from Deaf Film Camp), I'm feeling the very opposite of being settled in. In fact, I am feeling very raw and pointless at the moment.
What then? The constant motion and new experience is now at a full dead stop. I have little to look forward to. May be that sounds bleak and a little bit melodramatic, but that is exactly what it feels like for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I know I have it good, I have awesome boys, a beautiful home, a great group of friends and an amazing family. Yet, it doesn’t feel enough and knowing that, it makes me feel even worse for my self-centeredness.
Staying at home, it isn't me. I ain't meant to be a pinned butterfly and put into a shadowbox for showcasing. I am meant to travel, to document and tell stories about it. I desire meeting people on a daily basis and having deep conversation with every one of them.
I feel changed. Very changed and so alone in this transformation.
Oh well. It is what it is and I just gotta wait til all the dust are settled and then sweep them into one pile and dump it into an organic trash bin.
just a mother who fled from society's constraints and is super excited to wake up to the outdoors, remain braless daily and teach her boys the art of boredom and discovery.